


Going Once! Going Twice! Sold!

by Kahluah



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Ghoul pet AU, M/M, Panic Attacks, Slave Trade, Slavery, Slow Burn, Washuu! Hide, hide tries to be a sugar daddy, i guess this would count as a, its always eventual smut with me, more tags to come when it isnt 1 in the morning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-05-31 19:37:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6484888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahluah/pseuds/Kahluah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU where ghouls are captured and sold to the rich or high ranking investigators as slaves/pets</p><p>Hide is the youngest son of the Washuu family, and he has never really agreed with his family about how ghouls are treated. Eventually Hide’s family force him into going to an auction. He has no plans for actually buying and keeping a ghoul, but when they walk a half-ghoul out onto the stage Hide's plans change and he ends up bringing the ghoul home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Have a horrible summary, if you follow my blog you've probably heard about and helped this AU spiral out of control. Anyways here is chapter 1. I feel kinda 'meh' about some parts, but that's mostly because it was difficult to write just from Hide's point of view when everything is so new and fresh. Hopefully it will get better as I get to expanded upon both their characters and the development. 
> 
> Also, I don't know if I'm keeping this title, if anyone has any suggestions or whatever feel free to comment.

Hide sighed, leaning his head against the window of the long black limousine he was currently riding in, watching as the sun began to sink below the tops of the high-rise buildings of the first ward. He tugged at his tie, hoping it would alleviate the suffocating feeling that these stuffy suits always gave him. He glanced toward the driver who was silently and dutifully driving him down the crowded Tokyo streets to tonight’s auction that his parents were forcing him to attend. In all honesty though, he wanted to be anywhere but here. The only reason he was cooped up in this giant excuse for a car was because mom and dad would no longer take ‘no’ for an answer. “An embarrassment.” They had called him, “A disgrace to the Washuu name.”. Hide didn’t really mind the harsh comments though, he had heard them for as long as he could remember, but it seems that they were no longer willing to put up with his uncaring attitude. So, here he was, being forced to go to a ghoul auction and he wasn’t allowed back home unless he was accompanied by a ghoul of his very own. The whole situation left a sour taste in his mouth.

“Master Hideyoshi, we have arrived at the auction venue.” The dull voice of the chauffeur said, snapping him out of his thoughts. He made a move to get out, probably to open Hide’s door so that the blond wouldn’t have to do it himself, but Hide could really care less about all the luxuries of being from a good family.

“Right.” Hide said, opening his door himself, earning him a slightly disgruntled look from the driver. “I’ll just text you or something when the auction is over.” And with that Hide took a long deep  breath, putting on his best ‘people’ face and slid out of the car.

This was as much of the stuffy, upper crust, kind of event that he had expected it to be. There didn’t seem to be anyone here that wasn’t the child of a wealthy family or a high ranking investigator. Of course his parents wouldn’t let him come home with some second rate ghoul, Hide bet that there wasn’t one in there that was below A rank.

As soon as he stepped inside the venue, Hide could see that his hunch was correct. It seems that only the finest ghouls were being sold here tonight. All of the small stages along the front seemed to be showing off the least expensive ghouls, those that had adequate kagune and fighting skills but not much else going for them. They were mostly for the investigators that wanted some extra muscle to help them out on missions. Hide didn’t really think he would be able to handle a ghoul like that, a ghoul that has been conditioned to do nothing but fight and obey orders like some sort of dog.

He was about midway through the hall when he came across the first stage selling the more ‘exotic’ ghouls, the ones that those who weren’t investigators seemed to prefer. They were all dressed up like dolls, posed on the stage as such to show off their best features. Sure these ghouls looked pretty, but Hide couldn’t stand their eyes. Their eyes were empty, complete voids without any sort of emotion in sight. He was serious when he said they were dolls, they were soulless shells with no other use than to please their owners, any trace of who they used to be trained out of them.

Hide was able to waste an hour or so just by walking as slowly as humanly possible, acting as if he was interested in something every so often, but he just couldn’t wait for this to all be over. He had a plan, and that was to walk around until the auction was over, then buy a semi decent ghoul after the auction is over for a cheaper price. With any luck his parent will think the ghoul he brings home is unfitting for someone of their status and let him return it. Will he feel like a dirty sack of crap for treating another living creature like that, probably, but it was still better than keeping one as a glorified pet.

Hide stood in front of the main stage now, halfheartedly listening to the information about whatever ghouls they were showing off. Right now it was a pair of twins, rabbit themed or something. They seemed to be rather strong and not that bad looking either.  “These are the children of the famous Arata~!” The announcer said, “but buyers beware, they still have a little bit of a temper! Now, let’s start to bidding at five hundred thousand~!” It was disgusting, watching people scramble at their chance to take these two home, although there did seem to be a few investigators in the crowed after these two for their talents rather than their looks.

He stayed at that stage a while longer, but no ghoul was really standing out to him. Hide was about to turn away and slowly start walking back to the front of the hall when all the lights around the main stage dimmed. “And now ladies and gentlemen, for our main event. We are all lucky enough today to have a rare specimen in our midst, something so rare you usually only hear rumors about their existence.” The stage attendant tugged at the long steel chain connected to the next aunctionee, egging them to walk out onto the stage. “Ladies and gentlemen, you may remember this name from a few years ago, he was quite popular in the news after all!” A young man, probably around his age walked on stage. “We are proud to present to you, the SS ranked half ghoul Centipede~!”

The first thing Hide noticed were the eyes. They were a cool and steely grey, the color of clouds on an overcast day, but what really caught his attention was the emotions swimming behind them. They weren’t the dead and hopeless eyes that a ghoul up for auction usually had. No, this ghoul had fear, anticipation, hopelessness, as well as what was probably self-loathing, a whole array of emotions were swimming under that cool grey, and it took Hide’s breath away. The next thing Hide noticed was what he was wearing. He was wearing a skin tight bodysuit of some sort, and it did a _really_ good job at showing off everything this ghoul had going for him.

“Since this is such a rare specimen, we’ll start the bidding off at one million~!” and that was when all hell broke loose. It was complete chaos as people were throwing out bids left and right, and the higher the price got the more Hide could see the fear and the emotion that was probably self-loathing grow in the ghoul’s eyes. Hide’s heart ached at the sight. He couldn’t just stand here and let this ghoul be sold to some rich pervert who wanted him for his body or some heartless investigator who wanted him for his strength. No, that was a person up there with emotions just like any human. Hide didn’t even realize what he was doing until his hand was already in the air, placing a bid of his own. His parents wanted him to bring home a ghoul? Fine, but they better be prepared to pay a pretty penny because he was not going to let anyone else get this one.

 

“Any other takers? Going once–! Going twice–! Sold! Congratulations to the young Mr. Washuu~! If you would, please come see the attendant to the side of the stage to fill out the proper paperwork for your ghoul.”

The paperwork was always more of a formality, making sure you were indeed willing to buy the ghoul and to transfer the property rights over so that the company in charge was no longer liable for any accidents the ghoul may cause. Even if they weren’t that big a deal Hide made sure to read each form just in case, and it probably was a good idea too. “He’s a kakuja?” Hide asked upon seeing the complete list of his ghoul’s statistics.

“Technically he is only a half-kakuja. It seems that prior to his capture he had taken to cannibalizing other ghouls. That isn’t a problem, is it Mr. Washuu?” the attendant asked.

“No,no” Hide said. “It’s fine, I’m just surprised is all.” He said, signing off on that last piece of paperwork.

The attendant glanced over all of the forms, making sure everything was in order before saying “It seems like everything is finished here,” she handed him a small slip of paper with the number 240 on it. “if you meet us at the front of the venue we will bring your ghoul to you.”

Hided nodded and headed off to make his way back to the entrance. He pulled out his phone, sending a text to his driver that he was finished with things at the auction hall and ready to head back home. He stopped at the small booth in front that was now dealing with bringing the ghouls around to their new owners. “I’m um, I’m here to pick up the half ghoul.” He said, handing over the small slip of paper from earlier.

“Of course Mr. Washuu, it will just be a moment.” The person helping him out said before disappearing behind a curtain and into the back. They came back a few minutes later with the attendant that he filed the paperwork with, followed by the ghoul who had his gaze steadily pointed to the ground.

“If you would just show me to your car Mr. Washuu.” Said the attendant. Hide nodded and headed to the entrance of the auction hall where his limo was already waiting for him. The chauffeur gave a slight bow before opening the door so that Hide may slide in.

The attendant handed him a small key and the lead to the chains currently binding the ghoul in tow, who had still not looked up once since being brought to him. “This is the key to your ghoul’s cuffs. For security reasons we are not allowed to take them off at the venue, but you can take them off him whenever you like.” They then gave him a small bow “Thank you very much Mr. Washuu, we hope you enjoy your purchase.” Hide watched as they walked away, back into the hall to give away other ghouls to their new owners.

Hide shifted in place, turning to the ghoul. “So, uh… You first?” He said, motioning a hand for the ghoul to slide into the car. The other simply nodded once before complying with Hide’s order. Hide then slid in, the chauffeur closing the door after him, and he situated himself so that he was sitting across from the ghoul.

Hide nervously twiddled his thumbs as they rode home, a long and suffocating silence sitting between them. “So…” Hide said, trying to start up some sort of conversation. His eyes drifted over the other in front of him, taking in all the features he was unable to while they were up on the stage. His hair was impossibly white, which would seem like an odd thing to miss but that suit he was wearing was _seriously_ distracting. He also seemed to be rather well built, the firm tone of his muscles easily showing through the outfit he wore. His shoulders were hunched and his whole form seemed to be shrinking in on itself, as if he was trying to make himself look as small as possible. He was also constantly rubbing at his wrists, where the cool steel met skin, uncomfortable and chafing. “Here” Hide said, leaning forward and grabbing hold of the ghoul’s wrist. The other flinched at the contact before going completely stiff. “It’s alright.” Hide said in what he hoped to be a soothing voice. With the key he got earlier he quickly made work of unlocking the cuffs, freeing the ghoul from their restraint.

Hide sat back and gave the other a smile. “Those must have been uncomfortable, I’m sure this is much better… So, what’s your name?”

The ghoul shifted uncomfortably, before murmuring out a response. He was speaking so quietly though, that Hide wasn’t able to hear him.

“Sorry, can you say that again?” He asked.

“…You can call me whatever you want…” The ghoul said quietly. “You own me now after all.”

Hide bit back a frown. Technically that was true, but he didn’t agree with that sort of thinking. “Yeah, but it would be kind of rude to just rename you.” He said. “Names are important, and I want to know _yours_ ” he stressed that last word, hoping it would coax the other into telling it. They were silent for a few moments, as if thinking over his words, but finally they spoke again.

“…Kaneki…. My name is Kaneki Ken.”

“Kaneki huh.” Hide said. “Well it’s nice to meet you Kaneki, I’m Hideyoshi Washuu, but please just call me Hide.” He held out his hand, but when the other wouldn’t take it he brought it back to rest in his lap. And with that the awkward silence returned, hanging even heavier in the air than it had before, so the two just resigned themselves to waiting out the rest of the ride in silence. The traffic from earlier seemed to have cleared, and it wasn’t long before they pulled to a stop in front of the large building that was the Washuu household.

Hide got out first, and Kaneki stepped out afterwards, falling into step behind the blond. “Well... here we are.” Hide said, unsure of what else to really say. He turned to the ghoul who was looking at the large house in awe. “C’mon” he said, motioning for Kaneki to follow. “I’ll show you where you’ll be staying. And with that they headed inside. Every once in a while they would pass one of the work staff, they would greet Hide and give a slight bow and in return he would give a friendly comment. The further they walked into the house however, the less people they happened to pass. Eventually Hide stopped in front of a large hall, and making a sweeping motion with his hand “Pick any room you want. Nobody ever comes to this wing of the house, so it’s been sort of lonely, but the bright side is you essentially get first pick for whatever room you want!” Hide said, before suddenly adding. “Except the room at the end on the right, that’s my room.”

Kaneki nodded and followed Hide down the hall, stopping in front of the room right next to Hide’s. “This room would probably be most convenient for you…” he quietly mumbled, his gaze once again turned to the ground.

“I guess…” Hide said, scratching the back of his head. “Anyways!” he tried to bring the mood up slightly. He opened the door, letting it swing open wide so that they could both see inside. The room was bare except for the essentials like the bed and the dresser. The window was covered by dark curtains, blocking out any trance of sunlight. “There’s not much there at the moment, but I think it will become home eventually. Why don’t you get yourself comfortable, and I’ll be right back.” Hide said, disappearing into his own room.

Kaneki contemplated whether or not to stay in place and wait for his owner to come back or to head into the room like he was told. Eventually going inside won out and he silently entered the room, walking to the edge of the bed and taking a seat.

When Hide returned he was carrying a mountain of clothes. He walked over to where Kaneki sat, dumping the clothes near the top of the bed. “That suit is probably uncomfortable, so I brought some stuff for you. They are probably a bit too big though.” He said. “Hmm… You probably don’t know your measurements, do you?” Hide asked.

Kaneki just shook his head.

“Well then, I guess I’ll just have to take you out shopping so we can try things on.” Hide eyes flicked down to Kaneki’s neck where a thick collar lay. It didn’t look right, sitting there in stark contrast to his slender frame. “We’ll also get you something less noticeable.” He said, scratching the back of his head “But I think there was a turtleneck in that pile somewhere, you can wear it tomorrow if you like… you know, don’t want people knowing.”

Kaneki nodded once in acknowledgment, but other than that he silent. Hide sighed, this was going to be a lot of work, but he wanted to help Kaneki. He wanted to bring that light he saw dwelling in his eyes forward so that is was visible from the top of his head to the tip of his toes.  

“Well,” Hide said. “Why don’t we get these clothes all put away and then you can turn in for the night if you want. You’ve had a long day after all.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some cuties going out shopping.

Hide breathed a sigh as he stepped out of the car, taking this opportunity to stretch. They were now in front of what was arguably the best place to shop in the entire first ward. A simple, plain, run of the mill shopping mall. There weren’t any over the top super expensive brand name stores here, only ordinary moderately priced stores that sold average brands. It was perfect.

It wasn’t long before they were in a store, walking up and down the rows of clothes. “So, Kaneki. What kind of style you into?” Hide asked, trying to get a feel of what to help search for.

“You can choose whatever you want.” Kaneki said, following slightly behind the blond.

Hide groaned and rolled his eyes, turning around to face the other. “C’mon Kaneki, work with me.” He said. “How about a color then? Any specific color you like?”

Kaneki was silent for a moment, but then he said. “I prefer darker colors…”

“Now that’s something I can work with.” Hide said. He began pulling clothing of all different types so that they could get a feel for what would suit Kaneki better. After getting a sizable pile he steered the half ghoul to the changing rooms. “Try this stuff on, then after you’re done we can narrow down our search a bit.” He said, ushering Kaneki into a room and closing the door behind him.

Kaneki stood in front of the closed door for a moment, unsure about what to do. He may have been sold to Hide less than a day ago, but he really didn’t know what to make of his new owner. It was in the way he phrased things, as if he actually valued Kaneki’s opinion on matters. Kaneki set the clothes on the small bench inside the changing room, sorting through the pile to find something to try on.

The first thing he pulled out was a simply dress shirt. He stared at the piece of clothing in his hand, it was reminiscent of what he used to wear… But he didn’t know if it was what Hide wanted to see him in, it was a rather modest piece of clothing after all. He put the shirt aside and looked through the pile until he found something else that might be better suited for his owners taste. He finally found something he thought might pass when he pulled a black tank top out of the pile. It looked like it would be a bit of a tight fit, though that probably wouldn’t be a negative to the other…

When Kaneki stepped out of the changing room, Hide’s eyes were immediately on what he was wearing. Kaneki had come out in a black form fitted tank top. Hide could see the well-defined abs the other had through the thin material, as well as those strong pecks. It was _very_ difficult to pull his eyes away to say the least, but when he finally took a look at Kaneki himself, Hide could see that he looked very uncomfortable. He was tense, his shoulders hunched, and he looked like he was trying to curl in upon himself again, and he was constantly fiddling with his hands. “… It doesn’t look bad…” Hide said, “But how do you like it?”

“I do not mind either way.” Kaneki said, not looking up at the blond. “If you wish for me to wear this I would.”

“But do you feel comfortable in it?” Hide asked. Kaneki just stood there, not giving any indication to answering Hide’s question. He couldn’t really blame the guy though, he was trained to follow orders, to not have an opinion of his own, and perhaps Hide was asking a bit much of him here, so instead Hide just said “I’ll think on this one, why don’t you go try something else on?”

This went on for a while, Kaneki coming out in outfits he was obviously uncomfortable in and Hide having him go back and try on more. Eventually Hide sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose “Look, Kaneki…” he said, thinking of a way to put this lightly, so that he may get through and bypass the conditioning ingrained into the other’s head. “You used to have a life of your own, right? Why don’t you pick something to try on that’s like what you used to wear? I just… I just want you to feel comfortable.”

Kaneki nodded and headed back into the room to follow his new set of instructions. He took the shirt he had been wearing off, throwing it on the pile that was essentially ‘no’s from Hide. Perhaps it wasn’t the shirts, but him that wasn’t good enough to get a yes from the other. He glanced at the dress shirt he had put aside in the beginning. This wasn’t something that his owner would like to see him in, but this is what Hide had asked for.  He put the shirt on, slowly buttoning it up, glancing at himself in the mirror. If it wasn’t for the white hair and the collar around his neck, he could say that this was just another normal day.  With that he walked out of the room, ready to await Hide’s critique.

This time when Kaneki walked out he was wearing a simple dress shirt. It looked a bit dorky, the kind of thing that maybe a bookworm would wear, but something about it really suited Kaneki, and even though it was a subtle change Kaneki seemed to be a bit more comfortable wearing this. “Well, this settles it.” Hide said. “We’ll look for more things like this for you to wear.”

“B-but” Kaneki quietly stuttered out. “Certainly this isn’t as flattering as some of the other clothes.”

“I will admit that it isn’t as revealing as something like that tank top.” Hide said, scratching the back of his head. “But you seem to like this best, and like I said, I want you to be comfortable.” He got up and gave the other a smile. “So let’s clean up here and go get you some more stuff like this shirt, alright?”

Shopping went a bit more smoothly after that. They were able to pick up Kaneki a variety of nerd shirts, and got the rest of the wardrobe to match. And if they happened to have miss something, Hide didn’t really mind lending Kaneki his clothes to wear until the next time they went out shopping. That meant that now all they had left was to visit the ghoul specialty shop to get a small, and most importantly inconspicuous, collar custom made to replace the one Kaneki currently wore. The shop wasn’t that far away, only a couple of blocks away, so Hide decided that they could just walk instead having the car drive them there.

Hide insisted on carrying the clothing bags, swinging them back and forth as he walked down the street. “So Kaneki, after this is there any place else you wanna go? We don’t have anything to do, and since we’re out we might as well make the most of it.”

“We can do whatever you want us to Hide.” Kaneki replied.

Hide pouted, not satisfied with the answer he had received. There wasn’t much to do back at the house, and it would just be a waste to go back after only hitting a few stores. Hmmm, what could they do? Was there anything fun around this part of town? Hide was so lost in thought, that he almost didn’t notice when Kaneki stopped behind him. Hide turned around to see Kaneki longingly staring into the window of a shop they had passed. He backtracked, moving to stand beside Kaneki. They had stopped in front of a small bookstore, tall bookshelves standing from the floor to the ceiling, filled to the brim with old and new books alike. Hide glanced at Kaneki who was staring into the shop, a far away and wistful look in his eyes, as if he wanted nothing more than to go in there and get lost for hours on end. Perhaps Kaneki was one of those bookworm types, and perhaps that’s why he looked so natural in simpler clothing. It wasn’t hard for Hide to picture it, Kaneki dressed up in his nerdy clothes, reading a well-worn novel over a cup of coffee at a local café. Hide couldn’t help but to smile at that image, he would love to see Kaneki like that, doing the things he loved.

“Do you want to go inside?” Hide asked.

His question snapped Kaneki out of his daze. He turned to face Hide, shaking his head. “No, you wanted to go to that other shop, so we don’t need to stop here.”

“I wouldn’t mind though, stopping here for a bit if you wanted to get something. We have the time after all since we are only need to hit one more store.”

“No.” Kaneki said, reaching up to rub at his chin. “I don’t need anything from here.” He then gave Hide a small bow in apology. “I’m sorry for wasting your time and making you worry. We can continue to your next location now.”

Hide stared at Kaneki for a few second, like if he waited long enough the other would change his mind and tell him how he really felt, but that wasn’t going to happen. “… Alright then, if you say so.” He said. With that the two resumed walking. It wasn’t much longer before they arrived at the specialty store.

The walls were lined with various goods, most of them being things like collars or handcuffs, and all of them specially made out of quinque steel. There were also things like needles, a wide array of medication and health care products, as well as a few different brands of synthetic meat. They were greeted by the man behind the counter. “Is there anything I can help you two with?”

“Yes, hello.” Hide said, walking up to him. “I want to get a collar specially made.”

“Sure thing.” The man said, ducking down behind his counter for a second to pull out a book. “Do you have anything specific in mind?” he asked.

Hide nodded. “I want something small and thin, and I want it to be a color that blends in. Basically I want something that people aren’t going to really notice.”

“I see.” The employee began flipping through the book. “How about something like this?” He said, turning it around so that Hide would be able to see it. “This is the smallest collar that we make, and it comes in a variety of colors, including mattes. Though, because it is our smallest model you will need to refill the suppressants more often than with a regular model, but if you want something discrete this would be the one I recommend.”

Hide nodded along with him. “Alright, alright.” He said. “And if I wanted I rush delivery could I get it? I want to get it in as soon as possible.”

“Yes, it will cost a bit more but if you want I can send in for rush. If I remember right we have this model in stock, so it should get to you within two to three days. Is this the collar you want to order?”

“I think I will order this one.” Hide said. “Can I get it in a matte white, and rush delivery.”

“Sure thing, do you have your ghoul’s measurements so I know what size to order? I will also need their RC count so I can get you the correct kind of suppressants for this brand of collar.”

Hide dug in his pocket, pulling out a piece of paper. “I have the RC data here, but I’m not sure about the measurements. Are you able to take them here?”

“Sure, I can take the measurements for you.”

Hide motioned for Kaneki to come over. It didn’t take very long for them to measure Kaneki for collar size and get the order sent in. Hide had it set up to ship to his house. Usually you have to have the collars switched out by a professional so that the ghoul doesn’t take the small window of opportunity to run away, but there are some perks to being part of a CCG family.

After they were done, Hide called for the car to come pick them up since they didn’t have anywhere else to be. After arriving home, they put away all of Kaneki’s new clothes, adding them to the ones Hide had already given him. Kaneki tried to tell Hide that he could handle the task by himself, that Hide didn’t have to do any sort of labor, but the blond just ignored him and helped anyways. He didn’t know how to relate to the half ghoul after all, so this small time they spent together was really all Hide had to go on. Perhaps if he did something special for the other, he would start to open up a little bit. At the very least they would have something they could talk about. Hide excused himself, and headed to his own room. He now knew what step one of the ‘Kaneki rehabilitation project’ was going to be, all that was left was to put his plan into motion.  

 

* * *

 

The next day Hide had everything set up to put his plan into motion. He asked Kaneki if he wanted to go to the movies with him, and of course the other replied with ‘I will go if you want me to.’. Everything was set to be delivered while they were out, and the staff said they were willing to set everything up. Hide didn’t usually like to be a burden on the working staff, his family did enough of that, but he really wanted this to be a surprise for Kaneki. Hide was practically vibrating with excitement on the ride home as he imagined Kaneki’s face when he walked back into his room, and he couldn’t stop the skip in his step as they walked down the hall of their wing of the house, finally stopping in front of Kaneki’s room.

“Hey, Kaneki.” Hide said. “I know we practically just met each other, so this may be a bit forward of me, but after shopping yesterday and seeing how you looked, I wanted to get a little gift for you.”

Kaneki didn’t know what to say, or what to think about this revelation. The only thing that came to his mind from the events of yesterday was the way Hide had looked at him when he was wearing that tank top. He knew that something would happen eventually and that he had to be prepared for it, he was no more than a glorified object after all…

“…You didn’t have to get me anything.” Is what he settled for.

Hide shook his head, giving Kaneki a smile. “I wanted to get you something, no big deal, why don’t you open the door and see what it is.” He said, barely containing his excitement.

Kaneki braced himself, ready to face whatever awaited him on the other side of the door, but when he opened it he had the breath knocked out of him. Several tall bookshelves lined the once barren walls of his room, and on the floor beside them was a large stack of books.

“I remember the way you were looking in the store yesterday, but I don’t really know what your taste is so I got a whole bunch for you to read!” Hide said, now beaming an even larger smile at him. “So, do you like it?”

Kaneki really didn’t know what to say. Out of everything he was expecting to see, this was the last thing.

Hide watched as Kaneki’s gaze went from the bookshelves to the ground beneath his feet, and as his shoulders started to shake. “Kaneki?” He asked. “Kaneki is everything okay?”

“…I’m sorry…” Kaneki quietly breathed out. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Kaneki just kept repeating himself, and Hide didn’t know what to make of it. “Hey, Kaneki, it’s nothing to feel sorry for! I wanted to get this stuff for you, it’s no big deal!” But no matter how he tried to comfort the other it didn’t seem to work.

“I didn’t mean to cause you any trouble.” Kaneki couldn’t help his breath from hitching. “I don’t need it.” He said. “I don’t need it, I’ll be good. I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it IdontneeditIdontneeditpleaseimsorry.”

Hide’s smile slowly faded as Kaneki got further and further away from him, repeating himself over and over again. It was the first time that Hide really realized just how big of a task he had assigned himself. It was stupid to think that helping Kaneki work past his traumas would be an easy feat, solved simply by being nice and giving gifts. He silently walked over to Kaneki, taking one of his hands as gingerly as possible and raising it to his chest. “Hey, Kaneki, I need you to try and calm down. Just take a few deep breaths, in, and out.” he said. “In,” Hide took a deep breath “and out.” he breathed out.

Kaneki felt like he was suffocating. It was hard to breathe, like there was a great weight on his chest making it impossible. But then out of the darkness there was a warm touch and a comforting voice. He focused on that voice, using it to ground himself, listening to what it was telling him. He felt himself slowly calming down, coming out of the darkness, he could feel it slowly becoming easier to breathe as he focused on the rise and fall of the other’s chest. He looked up to see Hide, looking at him with concern. He took a few more seconds to collect himself, then he slowly pulled his hand away from Hide’s grasp. Kaneki cleared his throat, and trying his best to keep his voice even he said. “I didn’t mean to cause you any worry, I’m so–“

“Please don’t say you are sorry again.” Hide cut him off. “Look, Kaneki. Giving you stuff like clothes and books isn’t a big deal to me. It’s not something you need to apologize and feel sorry for. I just want you to feel comfortable now that you are living here, and if something can make you feel more at home then you shouldn’t feel any hesitation to ask me about it. And if randomly giving you gifts and surprises like this makes you uncomfortable, then I want you to tell me. Okay?”

Kaneki simply nodded.

Hide really didn’t expect a small thing like this to turn into such a big deal, but he hoped that what he was saying now was getting through to Kaneki on some level. He didn’t expect Kaneki to change all of a sudden just from one talk, he now understood that this would be a slow gradual process and that Kaneki would still probably silently take whatever he was given, but they had to start somewhere and this was as good a place as any.

“Now I think we had enough excitement for one day, so I’m going to head to my room. If you need anything, don’t feel afraid to come knock at my door, alright?”

Kaneki nodded again.

Hide didn’t expect anything else as he walked away, but right before he closed the door to Kaneki’s room he heard a soft voice from behind him.

“Thank you Hide… for the books.”

“Anytime Kaneki.”

 


	3. Chapter 3

Hide spent the next few days observing Kaneki and deciding where he should go from there. He wanted Kaneki to be able to want things in life, to not feel bad for asking for something and to actually open up to him, but before he could do that Hide had to see what the extent of Kaneki’s conditioning was.

His first test came when Kaneki’s new collar arrived. Ghouls that had little training and still dreamed of freedom would take any opportunity they could to escape, and changing a collar was one of those opportunities. Given how Kaneki acted the other day Hide doubted that he was only dealing with a little training, but any information on how ingrained those teaching where was a good place for him to start.

The room that they stored ghoul supplies in was probably one of the most secure in the entire house. All the walls and the doors were reinforced with quinque steel, and a key code had to be entered upon opening and leaving the room. It might seem like a bit much to have such a place in the house, but Hide guesses that the family thought it a waste of time to go to the CCG or other proper facilities just for a simple collar change on one of the service ghouls. In the past he might have thought it was lazy and unnecessary, but now he was kind of glad he had a controlled environment to work with Kaneki.

“Hopefully this will look better than that horrible standard collar they have you guys wear.” Hide said, pulling the nice collar he had specially ordered out of the box. The bright white and sleekness of the new collar was in stark contrast to the to the one Kaneki was currently wearing. Hide was careful as he set it down on the table, he then unboxed the RC suppressants that came with the collar and set them down next to it. “Now, let’s get that thing off of you.” Hide said as he rummaged through some drawers for the proper tools.

After finding what he needed, Hide took a deep breath before heading over to where Kaneki sat. This was it, this was the part where he really needed to be careful and pay attention to how the other reacted. Hide was quick and methodic as he took Kaneki’s old collar off, finding it easy as he has seen this done more times than he could count. As he stepped away to set the collar on the cart he didn’t really know what to expect from Kaneki, but it wasn’t for the ghoul to shrink in upon himself more so than usual; if anything he expected him to be a bit more confident since the constant threat of the RC suppressants was gone. Kaneki seemed nervous and on edge and he was tense, like he was trying his hardest to hold it together.

Hide worked quickly, putting the new suppressants in the collar and making sure that it was all good and ready before heading back to Kaneki. The ghoul’s shoulders were stiff, and he was sitting as still as possible, looking down into his lap. Hide didn’t think there could be a better pictorial representation of being in an uncomfortable situation. He reached around the ghoul’s neck, bringing the collar into place, and as soon as the cool material was wrapped around Kaneki’s neck, the ghoul visibly relaxed.

Hide finished securing and activating the new collar, stepping away with a smile “There, all done. I hope you like it better than the old one, but at the very least it doesn’t stand out as much anymore.”

Kaneki finally lifted his head again, nodding at Hide’s words. In all honesty he didn’t care what the collar looked like, as long as it was there and activated he would be fine. When the blond turned to put all the tools away Kaneki reached up, touching the smooth material. He sighed, relaxing into the chair further. Even if it was smaller and thinner than his old one, as long as this was here he would be okay. He wouldn’t have to worry…

When Hide turned around again, Kaneki brought his hand down back to his lap. “So, Kaneki.” His said cheerily, motioning for Kaneki to get up and follow him. “I’ve been thinking. I was wondering what to do about you, you know?”

Kaneki’s head snapped up when he heard that. Had he done something wrong to displease his owner? Was Hide mad at him for something? He couldn’t remember doing anything, he had tried his best to stay out of the way, to give simple answers that wouldn’t displease anyone. What could he have possible done to displease his master like this in such a short amount of time.

“I’m new to this whole ghoul owner thing as you know, and I’ve been thinking about how to… reward you I guess… I would rather call it a thanks though, for when you do a good job and such.” Hide said. “Like for just now. I’ve heard most new ghouls are rather unruly and try to escape or harm their owners or the staff when they are getting a collar change or a suppressant restock, but you didn’t. You were really well behaved, and I think that’s something that shouldn’t go without notice.” God this was such an awkward conversation, but Hide didn’t know how to say or word it any other way that would get Kaneki to accept it in the end. “And that’s why I wanted to start a list!”

Now Kaneki was even more confused. He was relieved to hear that Hide was not going to punish him for doing something wrong, that he in fact was being praised for good behavior, but a list?

“A book list to be precise!” Hide said, stopping in front of their doors. He spun around and beamed at the other. “I was thinking of calling it ‘Kaneki’s list of really wanted books for doing good’ or something. We can put it up on the wall between our rooms, and whenever you find a book or an author or whatever that you like and wants you write the name on the list, and then when I think you deserve something for being good I just look at the list and pick something.” Hide bit his lip slightly as he waited for Kaneki’s reactions. He hoped that this would be acceptable, that an idea like this would be able to let him give Kaneki gifts without the other freaking out again.

“y-you don’t really have to…” Kaneki said quietly, “… though if that is your decision I really have no say in the matter.”

“Alright! The ‘Kaneki’s list of really wanted books for doing good and stuff’ plan is a go!” Hide said, somehow adding even more words onto the name. “Stay right here, I’ll go get the stuff.” He said, quickly retreating to his room. He returned shortly after with some paper, a pen, and some tape. Hide wrote down his super long name for the list at the top of one of the pages before taping it to the wall, right between their doors. “There, now whenever you think of something you can just write it down! In fact,” he said, handing Kaneki then pen “if you have anything in mind you should write it down so that I can reward you for today.”

Hide knew that while Kaneki might have accepted his reasoning, he might still refrain from writing anything down on the list and make up excuses so that Hide wouldn’t have to give him anything, which is why putting him on the spot like this was the only option.

Kaneki was hesitant, looking at the pen in his hand and then to Hide, then back to the pen in his hand. After a few more seconds of contemplation he turned to the list, writing in extremely nice and delicate script: _Takatsuki Sen – Author, Kafka – Author, Hakushū Kitahara – Author, Setting Sun – Book._

He hesitated after writing the fourth line, as if he had more he wanted to write down, but Kaneki lowered his hand and returned the pen to Hide. “F-for the Authors…” Kaneki mumbled “You don’t have to buy more than one or anything. I just really like their work…”

“No problem!” Hide said giving Kaneki a thumbs up. He was honestly just happy that the other had written more than one thing down. He took another look at the list, recognizing a few of the names as things he had to read in school. “I gotta say though, I never imagined there would be someone out there that read those poetry books and stuff for fun.”

“Oh…” Kaneki looked towards the floor, taking Hide’s words of surprise as criticism.

“There’s nothing wrong with it though. Just surprising is all.” Hide said, scratching the back of his head and looked towards the ceiling as a silence fell over the hallway. “So… uh? Anything you wanna do today? We could go to the mall, or go see a movie, or–“ A small growl interrupted him. Hide looked at Kaneki, who was still looking at the floor, his face slightly flushed with embarrassment. “Or we could have lunch?” Hide said. “C’mon, I’ll show you where the meat is kept. We always keep it in stock for the staff, so you can eat however you please really so long as you don’t like binge eat or anything.”

Kaneki’s breath hitched at the mention of binge eating. This whole conversation was uncomfortable. He wasn’t that hungry, they fed him the day before the auction, he didn’t need any food right now. But Hide had already grabbed one of his hands and was leading him down the hallways.

“I was starting to get kind of hungry too, so this is perfect timing. You can serve yourself however much you want, and I’ll start some coffee and make some lunch of my own.”

Hide stopped in front of what looked like a giant walk in freezer with a keycode lock on it. “Just ask one of the kitchen staff for the password” He said as he quickly punched in the code. “It’s not a big secret or anything, but we had some problems with one of the maids stealing meat a few years ago, so this is just here in case we need to change the password on somebody.”

The freezer was filled floor to ceiling with brown wrapped packages, and there seemed to be different sections with different lables.

“So…” Hide said, looking around and thinking. “I think that if I remember right, the stuff in back is the highest quality, like gourmet brands and stuff, and that everything in front is regular. Well… not regular, it’s quality, the taste is supposed to be on par with actual human meat, but it’s the lowest grade we stock.” He said. “You should take mostly from the front, the gourmet meat is mostly for when we have guests and want to show off. The synthetic organs are on the bottom two shelves, then the shelf above that is just meat, like in slabs or whatever, and the rest of the shelves above those are different synthetically created cuts.” Hide walked Kaneki over to the shelf. “So we got like arm, leg, thigh, ribs, and the higher up you go the bigger the type of cut.”

Hide turned around, facing a Kaneki who looked like he was drowning in all the information and in shock that there was actually a room like this here. “Just take whatever you like best and meet me in the kitchen, it’s the second door on the left.” Hide waved to Kaneki before leaving, sprinting down the hallway to get started on his own meal.

Kaneki still couldn’t believe he was in a room like this. Though he couldn’t smell it, the thought of all this meat made his mouth water and stomach grumble, and that made him feel even more disgusted with himself. He didn’t want to be hungry, but he would rather be hungry than full. If it was his choice he would just deal with it until it was unsafe for him to continue starving himself, but Hide was being kind in showing him this and offering for him to take anything and he didn’t feel right to refuse him in something like that. Not that he actually has the right to refuse Hide anyways.

Kaneki looked at the packages, trying to find the smallest one he could. In the end he found one that looked to be about the size of a hamburger, just a simple cut, it wasn’t as much as his body was asking for, but it would stop his stomach rumbling and hopefully this would appease Hide’s wishes. Kaneki grabbed the brown paper package and headed out of the freezer, closing the large door behind him. He headed down the hall to where Hide had instructed, but he stopped short of entering when he heard voices.

“No if, ands, or buts young master Hide, you can cook for yourself if you want but you are not touching the coffee supplies. Especially if you are intending to make some for one of the servants or staff, and I have a feeling that is the case.” A female voice said.

“C’moooon, I’ve been practicing, I promise that it is getting better.” Hide whined.

“You may be getting better, but an improvement on a negative skill still is not zero.” The voice lightheartedly joked. “Plus that’s not the problem here. You are making coffee for you and your ghoul, right? You wouldn’t want him to have a bad first cup, you know how important coffee is to us. Let me make it, I even promise to use some of our better beans.”

“Fine. But only if you promise to help teach me how to make it as good as you one day.”

“I don’t know if that’s possible, but if I have free time and you can sneak down here then I’ll give you some more lessons.” She said. “Maybe even some cooking lessons. I may not be able to taste it but at least I can make more than scrambled eggs and instant noodles.”  

“Heeeey! I’ll have you know I can make toast too. And bagels.” Hide said. “Though I guess those are kind of the same thing.”

Kaneki didn’t enter, he just stood outside the kitchen door. Hide must come down here a lot for those two to act so naturally, he didn’t feel like he could intrude on the conversation. He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes as he listened to the two talk, jokingly banter back and forth. There was also something very familiar about her voice, Kaneki felt as if he knew it, but the memory was just out of his grasp. From their conversation it sounded like she worked down here in the kitchen, but because of her coffee remark she was most likely a ghoul. It’s true that some ghouls learn to cook to appear human, but it’s a disadvantage not being able to taste the food so most people hire human cooks. Perhaps she did prep work, like cutting vegetables and filleting the meat, its less dangerous for a ghoul to do that after all.

Kaneki got lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realize how much time had passed until suddenly Hide’s voice called out from in front of him. “You didn’t have to wait out here you know, you could have kept us company.” Kaneki’s jumped slightly and his eyes snapped open to see Hide standing in front of him holding a tray with a plate of some scrambled eggs and toast, and two cups of fresh coffee.

“Oh, well you two seemed to be in the middle of a conversation, and I didn’t really want to interrupt.” Kaneki said, his sentence trailing off into mumbles at the end.

“Yeah, but it was just some small talk, plus most the staff here is friendly so she wouldn’t have minded if you walked in. In fact, I think most the staff is looking forward to meeting you.” Hide said, motioning for Kaneki to follow him down the hall. “They all know my personal views on ghouls and such, so they are curious to see what type of person caught my eye enough to actually go and buy them. Maybe if I can spread the word and everybody can sneak away for a few minutes we can throw you a welcome party or something.”

“You guys don’t have to do that for me, especially if it would cause them troub–“

“Kaneki.” Hide drew out each syllable of his name. “They _want_ to welcome you! They don’t see it as any trouble.” He walked them into a small dining area, setting the tray down on the table. “A lot of them are a lot nicer than you would expect considering their rap sheets, it really surprised me at least.” He picked up his plate and one of the coffee mugs, setting them down next to the tray. “Another thing that surprised me is how good their cupcakes and stuff are. They are seriously the best!” He pushed the tray so that is was sitting opposite of him. “Here is this if you need it. Sorry that it’s not a plate, but the parents don’t like the idea of blood on the china, they make a huge deal about it.”

Kaneki walked around the table, quietly taking his seat opposite Hide. He held the brown package in his lap, not putting it on the tray, sitting there stiff with his gaze fixed on the table in front of him. Even though Hide and his beliefs seemed to be a bit… eccentric as far as owners go, Kaneki didn’t feel right eating at the same table as him. He should never eat in front of Hide at all, it was demeaning to the blond. Hopefully he wouldn’t notice, or he would simply say something like ‘take your time’ after finishing his own food and leaving Kaneki to finish by himself.

But of course that wouldn’t be the case.

Hide looked up at him after taking a large bite of his eggs “Don’t worry about it man, I’ve been around ghouls my whole life, I don’t care if you eat in front of me.”

Hesitantly, Kaneki brought the package up, setting it on the tray. Hide raised a brow at him. “Are you sure that’s enough?”

Kaneki hesitated again, but eventually brought a hand up to his chin, nodding.

“You don’t have to feel bad about eating a lot, I know your count is rather high, you won’t get in trouble for having to eat a lot I promise.”  He didn’t want Kaneki to go starving himself for fear of being punished or anything. There were actually a few ghouls on staff with high RC counts, so they were used to having big eaters.

Kaneki nodded. “I’m sorry for causing you concern, but this will be enough.” Though he said that, Kaneki made no attempts at unwrapping the package. Hide eyed him, completely aware of the game Kaneki was trying to play. Kaneki bowed his head in defeat, reaching forward and slowly unwrapping the brown paper surrounding the small slice of meat.

The smell assaulted his nose immediately. It wasn’t that much, but it was thick and juicy. Just the right amount of fat to meat. Thigh cut, his favorite. He didn’t want it to, but it just smelled so good. Knowing his eye would have turned, he lowered his head, turning away so that Hide would not have to see it.

Slowly he brought the package up to his lips, his mind wandering as he opened his mouth to bite down.

 

* * *

 

_“Number 240, we have been neglecting some areas of your regimen, but we can no longer afford to do so.” A cool voice spoke. “You must be in top shape when you are auctioned off and sold to somebody, and you must be able to stay in top shape under your new master care, whether you want to or not. The decision is no longer yours, you do not have the right to decide, you must do whatever they ask of you, and no owner wants their new ghoul have the unfortunate habit of starving itself… You must eat number 240, whether you want to or not.”_

_A slab of meat was dropped on the table in front of him. And with it he was given a single order. “Eat.”_

_Kaneki stared at the piece of meat, his mouth watering. He was so hungry, he doesn’t remember the last time he ate._

_“Number 240.” The voice said again, more stern. “I do not want to repeat myself once more. If you do not follow orders, we will have to send you through the basic training program again. We both know you don’t want that. So eat.”_

_He shook his head. He was so hungry, but no matter what he won’t eat. If he willingly ate that meat, it would be like admitting that he is… that he’s a…_

_“Fine, we’ll play it that way then.” He took out some sort of communication device, “Number 240 is to be retrained immediately, please send someone up to fetch him.”_

_It wasn’t long before he found himself in front of that table again, his ‘meal’ sitting before him once more. They didn’t feed him during training, they said it was for incentive. It smelled so good, he wanted it so bad._

_“Eat.” The order was given to him once more._

_He reached out in front of him, picking up the piece of meat. He wanted it. He brought it to his lips. He wanted it so bad. He wanted to bite down and taste the sweet meat. He had to do it, he was ordered to. He wanted to, he had to, but he couldn’t. His hands shook as he held the meat in front of his mouth, but he couldn’t bear to actually bite down._

_“Unfortunately it looks like that last session didn’t get through to you. You will be retrained once more, but this time I will see to it personally.”_

_Finally he found himself at that table for a third time. He wasn’t starving like the last time he was here. They had to feed him during training so that he would stay sane, but he was by no means full._

_“Eat.”_

_He reached out and grabbed the food from in front of him, bringing it to his mouth. He hesitated slightly, earning a stern look from the other before he obediently took a bite of his meal. Bite after bite he continued to eat. It tasted so good, but each bite made him feel worse and worse. Quietly he finished off the whole thing._

_“Good.” Was the only words of approval he got before the man dropped something down on the table in front of him. “Eat.” Was the only order he was given._

_And he silently obeyed._

* * *

 

Kaneki’s bit down into the piece of meat. He could feel the lean muscle give underneath his teeth, feel them slowly sinking down further into the piece of flesh, and the taste – He couldn’t even describe the taste, but he couldn’t help himself from quickly biting down again and again to get more.

He was disgusting, finding this delicious. Even if it was synthetic it didn’t make him any less a monster, he knew what it was made to be, what it was supposed to be, and he loathed it. He mustered up all the self-control he could, trying to keep himself from simply devouring the piece of meat, but it was so hard. Warm droplets fell from his eyes, landing on his hands as he continued to eat, and eat, and eat.

Disguisting.

Hide scooped up his last big of eggs, happily biting down and finishing off the last scrap of his toast. He would happily eat breakfast for every meal of the day if he could. “Man that was good!” he said, taking a sip of his coffee before leaning back in his chair. “Hey Kaneki, are you almost don–“ His words fell short when he looked over to see Kaneki, eating as if his life depended on it and crying at the same time. “Kaneki, are you ok?”

Kaneki didn’t hear him, he continued on eating the last bits of his meal. He had lost the brown wrapping at some point, his hands were warm, covered in blood. All he could hear was his own thoughts repeating over and over like some sort of mantra, conflicting voices yelling at him. Monster. _Eat._ Monster. _Eat._ Monster.

_Eat._

Kaneki looked down at his empty blood soaked hands. He couldn’t stop the hiccup that escaped his throat, and he was also unable to help himself from breaking out in small sobs. He buried his face in his hands, not caring about how filthy they were.

Monster.

Hide didn’t know what to do. Kaneki sat across from him, quietly sobbing into his hands. He got up and walked around the table, but when he got to Kaneki he didn’t know what to do. Hug him? Pat his back? He didn’t even know what was wrong.

He settled for something that was kind of a mix of both, his arm across Kaneki’s back, rubbing small circles into the back of his shoulder. “Hey, Kaneki, what’s wrong man?”

The suddenness of the hand on his back made him jump a little, and Kaneki turned and looked up to see Hide looking at him with concern and worry.

Perfect. Just perfect. He really was a failure in every way. He had broken down like that in front of Hide, causing him to worry over him and being an inconvenience. His sole purpose was to be convenient and now he couldn’t even do that.

“Please Kaneki, tell me what’s wrong.” Hide said.

Kaneki bit down on his lip, trying to stifle his small sobs. Hide had asked him what was wrong, he had to answer. He had to answer. He had to say something. “I… I don’t want to eat anymore.”

Hide didn’t know what he was expecting, but it wasn’t that. “O-oh?” he said. “Well, you… You don’t have to eat anymore if you don’t want to.” He said. “I don’t want to force you to eat or anything.” He continued rubbing Kaneki’s back, hoping it was helping the other calm down. “Everyone has their own reasons for things after all… Just please don’t starve yourself, ok? That would be my one rule on this matter, no starving.”

He had never heard of a ghoul having an aversion to food before. Sure there were some ghouls he had met that preferred not to kill, to find other means of eating, but he had never heard of this.

Hide reached over, gabbing Kaneki’s untouched coffee. “Here, it’s still warm. I think it will make you feel a bit better, it tastes really good. I promise.” He couldn’t really think of anything else he could do. But like she said earlier, coffee is important for ghouls, perhaps it could help Kaneki calm down.

Kaneki took the mug out of Hide hand. He breathed in that comforting aroma of a dark roast, sighing as he let it wash over and sooth him. He brought the cup to his lips, taking a sip of the bitter coffee. It was really good, a ghoul probably made it, and above all it was comforting. Almost familiar. He let himself relax, and before he knew it he had downed the entire cup.

Kaneki set the mug back down on the table, only noticing then that it was covered in his bloody fingerprints. “Sorry about the mug, your parents…”

“Don’t worry about that Kaneki.” Hide said. “It’s just a cup, and if they get mad then I’ll just handle it.”

“B-but I’m supposed to–“ Hide interrupted him before he could finish.

“You are supposed to listen, and you did. I told you to drink the coffee and if that meant letting the cup get dirty then it meant letting the cup get dirty.” Hide said. “If anyone is going to get in trouble for this it isn’t you, it would be me who told you to do it.”

Kaneki opened his mouth to say something back, but then closed it again. It would be wrong to argue back. Hide was right after all, Kaneki’s sole purpose now was to listen to the blond and do whatever he says, even if he didn’t agree with it.

“Now, this has been a rather exciting breakfast.” Hide said. “So why don’t we head back to our rooms and rest a bit, and then if we feel up to it we can go out later. We have the whole day ahead of us after all.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys its been forever. Life and college is just beating the crap out of me and I have not had any constructive free time to write with. 
> 
> But, hopefully things will get better soon. Next week is finals and Fanime, but after that my summer is pretty clear other than one week vacation, so hopefully maybe i can get to writing again? Because i miss it honestly.

Kaneki curled up on the bed, he didn’t feel like doing anything right now.

He didn’t understand why Hide put up with him. He should just return him to the CCG and get someone who could actually be useful to him. It has been almost a week since he was bought, but he wasn’t asked to do chores, and he hasn’t been asked for any kind of services either. And to make things worse the few times he has been asked to do something, like at breakfast this morning, he has found a way to screw it up somehow. He has done nothing but create extra work for his owner and make him worry.

He was a failure, and he did not deserve the kindness that he has been shown so far.

Though Hide didn’t seem to be new to the world of ghouls and ownership, it seemed that Kaneki was his first personal ghoul. Perhaps Hide was hesitant to do or try anything, and that’s why nothing has been asked of him. He has been nothing but compliant, but perhaps the short answers and silence was enough to be off-putting. He thought that acting as such would make him seem more appealing, quiet and out of the way, but perhaps that wasn’t what Hide wanted.

In any case he should have been able to tell what Hide wanted and adjusted quicker than this, but hopefully he could start acting better and be more useful to his owner.

A knock at his door snapped Kaneki out of his thoughts.

“Hey, Kaneki, can I come in?” Hide’s voice called out from behind the door.

Kaneki slid off the bed, walking over to let the other inside. He opened the door, standing to the side as to not be in the way. “You do not need to ask, you can come in any time. It is your room and house after all.”

“That may be true Kaneki, but you need you own space to chill and stuff. That’s why I gave you your own room, even if it is just right next to mine.” Hide said, giving Kaneki a small smile.

“So,” Kaneki said. “What are you in need of?”

“Weeeeell, if you are going to ask.” Hide said. “I was kinda getting bored and was wondering if I could chill in here with you.” He held up a small handheld device. “I got this, so I don’t have to bother you with whatever you were doing, but I just wanted the company.”

Kaneki stood to the side, making room to allow the other to pass. “If that is what you want to do…”

“Cool!, thanks Kaneki.” Hide walked over to the bed, taking a seat on the end. “Oh, and if you want me to leave at any time just tell me, ok.”

Kaneki closed the door, then walked to the bookshelf to pick up a book he had started the other day.

He really didn’t understand Hide. He had no right in telling his owner to leave him alone, he had no right in anything really. Once again the only possibility he could think of was that Hide was being kind out of some sort of guilt. In any case he shouldn’t get used to this kindness, it would surely stop soon enough once his owner realized it was unnecessary. In fact, Kaneki might feel a bit better about all this if that happened sooner rather than later. He did not deserve the kindness he was being shown and it made him rather uncomfortable.

Kaneki opened his book to a random page, not really interested in reading right now. Out of the corner of his eye he glances over at Hide, watching the blond energetically press the buttons on the small device, his tongue slightly sticking out of his mouth in concentration.

Kaneki was being careful, not to get caught staring… or at least he thought he was. But after about half an hour Hide sighed, setting down his game and turning to the other. “So Kaneki, tell me why you keep glancing over here with a look as if you are trying to unravel the secrets of the universe.”

Kaneki turned to Hide, putting on what was hopefully a confused face. “What do you mean?” he asked, rubbing his chin with his hand.

“C’mon man. Don’t think I didn’t notice you glancing over here, did you even turn a page in that book the entire time we’ve been hanging out?” Hide said. “I want you to be able to speak your mind, even if it has something to do with me. So please, Kaneki, tell me…”

Kaneki didn’t know if he should actually answer. On one hand what he would say was rather rude to his owner, but on the other hand his owner was telling him to speak. “I…” Kaneki began. “I don’t understand you.” Hide was about to open his mouth to say something, but Kaneki carried on, cutting him short. “I don’t understand why you act so kind to someone like me. Is it out of pity, or is it guilt over the fact that your ghoul can seem so human at times? But you don’t have to feel guilty. You _shouldn’t_ feel guilty; I’m yours to do whatever you whatever you wish. I would rather you just act now and let me know how things would be instead of giving falsities that will be stripped away as time goes on.”

“Kaneki… I–“ Hide was going to tell him that the kindness isn’t false, that he really does care, but all his thoughts stopped short with the soft press of Kaneki’s lips against his own. He completely froze up, his thoughts short circuiting.

Kaneki gently, expertly, moved his lips against the other’s until Hide began to relax into the kiss. He didn’t do anything rash like biting or nipping at the other’s lips, Hide probably wouldn’t react well to that, but he started to press with a bit more force. He softly laid his hands on top of the blond’s, and began to guide them up. The first he brought to the small of his back, leaving it there so Hide could have some hold on him. But the second hand… he moved that one slowly, guiding it up the inside of his thigh until Hide’s hand was just shy of touching where Kaneki really wanted him to. His body was already starting to react, years of training ensuring that he would always be ready for something like this, now all that was left was for Hide to take charge of the situation.

To Hide, it was like everything was going in slow motion and moving way too fast at the same time. The kiss tasted bitter, the taste of darkly roasted coffee, but it was also impossibly sweet, not to mention intoxicating. Somehow his hands moved from his sides to the white haired man in front of him. He could feel how Kaneki’s waist was slender but firm with muscle, and his other hand… His other hand was rubbing the inside of Kaneki’s thigh, and he could feel the other slowly becoming hard under his ministrations. He couldn’t help the small whimper that escaped him. He would be lying if he said Kaneki wasn’t attractive, and he would also be lying if he said he didn’t have some thoughts about doing something like this.

He felt Kaneki’s arms loop around his neck, the half ghoul threading his hands up through Hide’s blond locks. God how he would love to just push Kaneki down on the bed and move this to the next level. But not here, and not now. This was all to new, it was going too fast, he hardly knew Kaneki after all. This wasn’t what he wanted.

Hide summon all his strength and pushed back from Kaneki as hard as he could, breaking the kiss. “Stop, Kaneki, this isn’t what I want!.”

“Then what DO you want?!” Kaneki said back, obviously getting distressed over the situation. “Why do you act so _nice_?! Why did you even buy me if you didn’t intend to use me?!” As soon as he finished his outburst, Kaneki immediately looked down at the floor, realizing what he how out of line he was and expecting whatever may come from it. He shouldn’t have done that, no matter how frustrated he was. He was property, he should follow orders, he should never talk back, and he should be reminded of his place whenever he crossed a line.

“Well, if you really want to know, I bought you because of your eyes.” Hide said, being completely honest.

Kaneki’s head snapped up to look at the other, taken by surprise by his words.

“The other ghouls at the auction, their eyes were completely empty, consumed with nothing but the will to follow orders and fight or completely soulless and empty to serve their master’s needs. But when I saw you up on that stage… There was this fire in your eyes, like you hadn’t given up yet. Like you were still willing to fight the fate that was given to you. And I couldn’t stand the thought of you ending up in the hands of someone that would snuff out that fire.” Hide said. “I bought you because I wanted you to have a chance to live and be happy.”

Kaneki didn’t know what to say or how to really process all of this information. He was meant to serve, to follow orders and not want or need anything in return. But here Hide was, being so kind and giving, and Hide wanted him to be happy… So, what exactly is the right thing for him to do in this situation?

“…You say I can ask for whatever I want, right?” Kaneki asked softly.

Hide perked up at that. “Of course you can.”

“Then… can I be alone for a while. I need some time to think…”

“Oh…” Perhaps he had been hoping for a bit much out of the other. “Yeah, of course you can.” Hide said, picking up his discarded game and standing up from the bed. “If you need anything I’ll probably be in my room, but if not feel free to ask any of the other staff, alright?” Kaneki nodded slightly before turning his gaze away from the blond, And Hide took that as his cue to leave the room.

As soon as the other was gone Kaneki curled up on the bed and pulled the covers over himself. He was just so confused. He was taught to listen, to follow orders and expect nothing in return; after all, why should a monster like him deserve to be happy. He spread grief and unhappiness wherever he went. He was the worst. He didn’t deserve to be in the care of an owner like Hide.

Kaneki could feel the warm sting of tears start to prick at his eyes. He bit his lip, stifling the sobs that wanted to escape. Above everything else he couldn’t be a nuisance; that was the worst thing he could be in this situation. So, like many times before, he suffered and cried in silence.

 

* * *

 

 Hide stood outside Kaneki’s door for what seemed like hours, listening to the barely audible sobs coming from inside. Whenever he thought he was making progress with Kaneki he seemed to take two steps backwards instead. He knew he was in over his head when Kaneki broke down over some bookcases, but the longer he knew the other the bigger the task of helping Kaneki seemed to become.

There was only one thing to do in a situation like this, so Hide made a quick stop by his room to put his game away before heading downstairs to the kitchens. It wasn’t uncommon for him to visit the staff down here, but there was usually more time in between his visits since the staff did need time to work instead of entertaining him. This was just something he couldn’t wait on. He rounded the corner, not surprised when it was empty save for the few that were around earlier when he was preparing breakfast.

“Back again so soon? Did you actually miss us that much, or do you just want a snack?”

Hide would usually join in on the lighthearted banter, but right now Kaneki was more important. “Irimi, I need your help. think I fucked up.”

The female ghoul put down the kettle she was using to make some coffee. “Is it the new kid? Did something happen?”

“Yes… No… Maybe?” Hide groaned “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do or make of him really.”

“You said the ghoul you bought was Kaneki Ken, right?”

“Yeah,” Hide said. “Do you know him?”

Irimi sighed, “I only knew him for a short time, but even back then he was… difficult so to speak. He’s been through a lot, and there is no doubt he has been through even more since the CCG captured him. It’s going to be tough for you to get through to him, but I doubt that you did something bad enough to fuck up your relationship with him. I don’t know what you did, and it may be a stumble, but I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

She lifted her gaze to Hide who was still looking at her as if she was his only salvation on this matter. “…I could still go talk to him though if you want. It may comfort him to know that there are friends here.”

“Thank you Irimi!” Hide said, giving her a thankful smile.

“Yes, plus it would be good for him to know that he has friends that would help him gang up on you if he so wishes.”

Hide gave a playful scoff “Rude! I’ll have you know that everyone enjoys my company and would never do something as blasphemous as to gang up on me.”

“Right, right. Everybody just loves you Hide.” She said. “It must be that infectiously happy smile of yours.”

Irimi stood up, walking over to the counter putting the kettle back on the heat and pulling out more coffee supplies. “I’ll go talk to Kaneki, but why don’t you help me make some coffee first? As an apology for whatever your ‘fuck up’ was.”

Hide perked up instantly. “Really! What happened to never letting me touch the coffee supplies?”

“The least you can do is grind the beans, I have taught you that much in the past, but actually pouring the coffee is still off limits for you.” She said.

Hide stood up straight, giving her a salute. “Yes miss coffee teacher ma’am!”

 

It took a few tries for Hide to actually grind the beans to the right consistency, but soon both of them were heading back upstairs, Irimi with a tray of hot coffee in hand. Hide gave one last glance to Kaneki’s door before retreating to his own room, leaving the rest up to Irimi.

After she was sure Hide was going to stay in his room she gently knocked on the door. “Sorry to intrude, but young master Hide though that some coffee may help cheer you up. May I come in?” There were a few moments of silence before a soft sound of acknowledgment from inside that she took as a yes. She stepped inside the room, a friendly smile on her face. “I heard that the young master troubled you and thought some coffee might cheer you up. He is quite the handful, so you are probably in need of something to help you relax., especially with how you get Kaneki.”

Kaneki shot up from under the covers, eyes wide as he looked at who just walked through the door. “I-Irimi? What are you doing here?” He asked, voice laced with concern. She shouldn’t he here, in this place. She should be with everyone else at Anteiku, still living happily.

“A lot happened after you were captured.” She said. Irimi walked over to the desk, putting the tray down, grabbing one cup for her and another for Kaneki.

Kaneki took the mug from her, giving a quiet thanks and offering her to sit down on the bed by him. “Can you… What happened?” he asked.

“Well,” She started. “To put it simply, I think that Aogiri wanted payback for all of your snooping. After the CCG got you, they apparently had an anonymous tip about Anteiku.” She said.

“…Did anyone make it out? Were they all captured?” Kaneki asked, staring into the dark liquid in his cup.

“To everyone’s surprise we did get a bit of warning, Ayato came by telling us to run. He always did have a soft spot for Touka.” She smiled softly “But even that wasn’t enough. The CCG came not thirty minutes later. Nobody made it out safely.” There was a small silence between them, only broken by the sipping of coffee.

Kaneki broke the silence first. “Besides you, is there anyone else here?”

“Oh, yeah. The Washuu can’t pass up an opportunity to take a powerful ghoul for themselves. Both Koma and the manager work in the house as well. Only Koma is here now though, they sometimes use manager on dangerous missions, he should be back in the next few days though. As for Touka and Ayato, I don’t know. They were sent to a training facility, the rest of us were deemed docile enough to be collard and brought to the house right away.”

Kaneki couldn’t bring himself to look away from the coffee cup in his hands “…It’s all my fault...”

“You guys were so nice to me, even though I didn’t stay. You helped me get on my feet, but then I just left and it was my fault you got put in danger. If I hadn’t gone after them, if I hadn’t been so focused on revenge, then you wouldn’t be here now and everyone else would still be safe.”

“Kaneki. It was Anteiku’s job to help ghouls in need, we were always in danger of getting caught and captured by the CCG. The shop was probably already on their list to check out, it was only a matter of time. Nobody regrets helping you out so please don’t think too poorly of what happened.”

Irimi let the silence continue for a while longer, letting Kaneki take in the information. “So, the reason I came up here is because the young master is worried he did something to upset you. He can come off rather strong with that exuberant personality of his, and he doesn’t quite pick up when people are uncomfortable. Is everything alright, or is there something I should relay to him?”

Kaneki took another large sip from his cup, hiding his face and buying a small bit of time, but eventually he had to answer the question. “It wasn’t anything he did, it’s just that I don’t understand him.”

“I don’t think anyone can understand him.”

A small smile graced Kaneki’s lips. “Yeah, he is rather out there, but that’s not what I meant. I don’t understand what he wants.” A deep frown once again returned to his face. “He keeps on giving and giving me things and asking for nothing in return and I don’t understand why. He bought me, so obviously, he wants something from me, but when I tried to give something to him he rejects it and when I ask why all he says is that he wants me to live freely.”

Irimi gave a deep sigh, this was a rather loaded subject. She was brought to the manor right away, she wasn’t sent to a training facility like Kaneki was, but it didn’t take a genius to guess what he was talking about.

“If it helps, I would say to think of Hide like someone who would have worked at Anteiku. He may be a Washuu, but he doesn’t believe what his family or the CCG does is right, he would have fit in very well at the café.”

Kaneki didn’t say anything in return, probably giving the notion some thought, but there is only so much heavy conversation people can handle at a time, so Irimi decided it was time to change the subject for a while. “Hey Kaneki, knowing Hide he hasn’t given you a proper tour of the mansion yet, how about after we finish our coffee here I can show you around and we can catch up. Koma should also be around somewhere and I know he would love to have someone to boast about his days as the ‘devil ape’ once again.”

Kaneki nodded “That sounds perfect actually.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come bother me at my tumblr ghoulistic-tendencies.tumblr.com/ where there are many AUs and things get nsfw often.


End file.
